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  • Rachelle Millar

Sorry, NO DEAL


Extricating yourself from situations when you suspect that the other person is not on the same page as you.


Basically the only way to play is by playing fair.


We hear this time and time again, and we all nod our heads, but the reality is... we all come with baggage about how we might of been treated before. About how we feel about negotiating and what has helped us win in the past. Or we think about when we have lost and we don't want to feel like we lost again. We have to sum up the person we are negotiating with. How invested are they? Do they have the same values as you? Much of the time, it is about someone not being a part of your tribe. Not being the right customer for you. Understanding the unwritten rules of each culture and how they negotiate is key. Do you know your own? Are you aware of what is fair for you?


If you don't have a relationship with someone, you are going to have to earn their trust throughout the negotiation. This is why good negotiations are slow, they take their time. Just like a long lasting marriage, it starts way before the words, "I do". If someone commits too early, then the chances of them getting cold feet closer to the final transaction is large. One of the most important things if your need is greater than the other person's need to be there negotiating with you, is to find ways to build their needs. The only way to do this is to listen.


Many great sales trainers talk about the close as being important in the sale. Always, always ask for the business. Always, always ask for commitment or agreement. Yes, absolutely, ask for commitment. But make sure you have asked for commitment and listened the whole way through the negotiation. Make sure that the person hasn't just said yes, but. Make sure that what you think they are saying yes to, is what you think they are saying yes to. Often people say yes to something and then one side cherry picks. What that means is you may of said yes to a big thing like the price of something.


Then the other person adds more to it. Not the price, but what they are getting for that price. So, it might be free delivery, it might be payment terms when you thought it was cash up front. It might be timing, the timing of delivery. What ever those things are.... you have to watch out for this.


This is not playing win/win... this is someone bullying you into accepting those terms. And anyone with a good nature, or who is reasonable, can often end up saying yes to something they don't actually want.


So you have to be able to see when someone cherry picks. And when they do, you have to be able to say no... let's start again. Because those terms change the whole deal.


If the person is not taking it slow and asking you to commit to early, then they are likely to not be playing fair, not win/win. If you say you want to back out and they make personal attacks on your character, then they are not playing fair. They are now making you feel bad, so that you agree to the terms they have set out. Recently, I backed out of a deal,.... I got a text firstly that said, OK. Which I didn't reply to, then later. I got another text that said. "It is the height of disrespect to waste someone's time". Personal attack. Did it hurt, yes. I wanted to reply to it. But actually it was confirmation to me that I was not working with someone who was respectful of me in the first place. Therefore not win/win and it would of been worse if I had continued on with the deal.


So if you have concerns or if you feel you want to back out of the yes that you offered initially. Do it, say no. And then watch how the other party handles it. If they start to ask questions, then they are prepared to listen and they care about the relationship and a win/win outcome. If they are not asking questions, then they are not listening and not interested in your win. They are only interested in their win and will do so at all costs. Mostly at the cost of the relationship.


If you are under a time pressure to say yes, then again. They are using bullying tactics. Again, the situation of me doing a favour for someone that I didn't know. 20 days before I said Sorry, No DEAL I had asked him to meet with me. I had asked him to send me in writing what his expectations were. I followed up with him 3 days before he was due to deliver and said, I haven't seen you or seen anything I have asked for? All of a sudden he wants to come around. Stating that he only has a small window before he goes back to Mt Maunganui to be able to see me. Same again, I am squashed into when he can see me. After having to follow up with him. I had visitors and so had to work around him, rather than he me.


Even then, he was changing the deal. Changing the arrangement. I started to have concerns overnight. It was keeping me awake with worry. After sending an email to him with my parameters of how I wanted to work with him. I decided to just send him a text and say, Sorry Deal is OFF.


So, this is how it happened...but it could of been so different.


If he was playing win/win. Then he would of fostered that relationship. He would of sent me the things that I asked for, he would of met with me. He would of found ways to make me trust that he was going to be okay to have around. (Basically he was wanting the use of my property) He could of easily turned up earlier and helped me with some work around the farm as had been discussed. He could of made me very comfortable that he was interested in a win on both sides. He could of sent a gift on Xmas, he could of done many many things that would of made it a win for me. But he didn't.


If he had done those things, then he would of got his win. Even simply following up with what he said he would do would of made a difference. Even the weekly amount that we had agreed on paid in cash up front would of made a difference. But nothing...


The lesson here is if you are negotiating, if the other person wants something more than you. Then see if they are interested in finding out about your win. If you want something more than the other person, then see how you can offer more that makes it a fair trade. It is never just about money.


If you make it about money, then you are missing the fundamental part of any agreement. There are 2 parts to a win. The material part and the emotional part. How that person feels before, during and after any transaction is fundamental to a successful ongoing relationship, business or life.


First step for change is to be aware of your style of negotiation.


Do you hate negotiating and feel it is intimidating or do you love it and feel like it is a contest?


How do you feel about negotiating or conflict? Do you shy away from it?


Do you believe you can negotiate any transaction, big or small?


When you negotiate, do you have a strategy? Or is it haphazard and you just wing it?


Really listen to your own voice when you answer these questions. Sometimes the negotiation is with ourselves.


Negotiation is everywhere, we are always negotiating, listen to kids,

they are negotiating everything, all the time. Understanding a process around negotiating is a life long skill and one that is well worth having.


Book a discovery call with me to find out more about how I can help you negotiate the life you have always wanted to lead.