Grinching on Christmas
Many people get stressed over Christmas, what they should do and shouldn't do, how to meet up to expectations and how to handle it when family or friends aren't there and the loneliness that that can ensue.
If you want to learn how to get your children to hate Christmas, then follow this recipe. Make it an obligation to do things simply because it is tradition, make it stressful, don't enjoy cooking food for the family, increase financial pressure over gifting, oh and to crown it all off, decrease the importance of anyone who has their birthday anniversary around Christmas with the simple, well it is Christmas so we just cannot be as generous as we normally might be. You understand eh?
I am walking into Christmas at 48 years old, without all the same anxiety that I would normally have. I had 2 years off Xmas as the boys were at there dad's place and I said, well Santa came there, he doesn't pop up any other time than Xmas day. Now at 13 & 14 they don't believe in him. Have I groomed them to be as grinchy as me? Although my philosophy if anyone wants to listen is, that I gift to my children all through the year based on need, there is so much more value in their gifts through this time than at Xmas or their birthday.
My brother and I at a very young age were so like this is a silly game. We would go out present buying so young, I can't remember, but we were that young (probably 8 years?) enamored by pencil cases, we found these really cool ones. So we made an agreement, I'll buy this one for you and you buy this one for me. It never really changed this exchange until well into our 30's/40's even, I think if I was to suggest such an exchange again, he would be totally on board with it. I'll buy what I want and you buy what you want and we have fooled everyone else into thinking that we bought it for each other.
So thoughtful... just what I wanted, thankyou.... until I had a joke, sadly at his expense, I thought it was hilarious at the time. It wasn't funny, it had called us both on our little game that we had played for 30 years.... The thing was I should of talked to him about it, he was happy that we played this game, it worked for him. I guess, I wasn't so okay with the in-authenticity of this. I am not saying that my brother isn't inauthentic, if anything, he is better at being authentic than I have ever been. At this time, it was my no that surfaced.
My brother, whom I love so much, is better at saying no than I have ever been, he has held boundaries around what he wants way more than me and he has shown me and helped me to hold them too. What a blessing.
My bro is 18 months younger than me, we grew up together, played games together and worked out our world. But we Xmas Grinch together, we know we do...we need each other to say no, this is how it is going to go this time. This is how we can find a new way of being together as a family, this is how and this is why. Serious pain and death that brought us all together and can tear us apart can be a reason why, but that is the hiding place, I am proud of my siblings because we walk and talk the pain that happens and helps each other.
I see a lot of pain with families running around trying to make everyone happy. It is exhausting and so not what I feel Christmas was ever supposed to be about. It is a little like purpose, where are you in this space, what is your purpose and how are you going to make your self happy at this time? Is your purpose supposed to be people/family pleasing and getting so drunk that you don't care anymore or is it about finding who you are in this chaos and find your peace.
Merry Xmas everyone.... Unconditional Love to everyone whomever and whatever space you find yourself in.