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  • Writer's pictureRachelle Millar

The Power of NOT NOW

Do you ever have a question that you feel you have to answer straight away?

Usually a really big question pushes you harder than ever. But so do the smaller questions. Either way, I have practiced holding a “Point of Tension” over my answer to myself and to others.

Quite frankly, this waiting has paid off. Massive insights that I would never had had, should I have been simple in my approach and linear answer.

When we hold a point of tension; a method of defining the need, issue or problem, continuing to research possibilities and try out scenarios and check in on emotions, then weigh up the different solutions, and sometimes even consider what would my life look like should I take action on that?

Like right now, in the middle of this second wave of Covid Lockdowns, I am looking to reset my course.

50 years of age at the end of the year, one could wonder is my life over. Have I made my bed and must sleep in it until retirement?

Thoughts like that on age are a big part of feeding into an old paradigm that said you skilled yourself up as a youth and then you carried out that path until you retired at what was 60 and now is 65.. only 10-15 years away for me!

In those days, you also died about 80 something!

Do we consider ourselves incapable of making an impact on the world after 60? Or 70? Or even 80?

What mindsets keep us living small?

So, I did something that reset my mindset.

I took a leaf out of my own book and decided to write my obituary. The first thing that I had to think of was, what age am I going to be when I die? I have done this before; it is a good exercise to do. It really makes you think, and it makes you think in terms of who you are now and the likelihood of your tenure on this earth.

So, I decided 101 years of age. What does that mean? It meant, that I have another 50 years on this earth. Now, when I think of that in relationship to the last 50 years. Then I go, wow…that is a huge amount of time. If I consider myself to have a huge amount of time (a little like when we are 20), then I have plenty of time to study something new or increase my studies or to simply create amazing things for the world. And even should I think small, create amazing things simply just for me or my immediate family.

Last year, when I wrote my book, “Shifting me Softly, In a world of Loud and Proud, how to win with quiet confidence”, it summed up my life pre- 50. It was like I could leave all of that chapter (chapters) behind and I wondered about what it might be like to write a book of my next 50 years. That though had been playing on my mind. What a cool way to organise the chapters that you are going to walk into. And what might make a really awesome story.

Much like when I was a newborn a baby, helpless and dependent on my parents. How could I consider who I was going to be dependent upon when I die. Who are there? What does it look like? Wayne Dyer, a famous spiritual leader and author, said we choose the parents that we are born into.

If we are believe that, then we can choose how we leave this earth, surely??

So if I were to count down from 50 backwards, what do I need to do now that would achieve my aim?

Here is my Obituary’s first draft:-


Like the sunshine that burns when you stay outside for too long, Dr Ra had an SPF50 often not found in natural substances. She wasn’t much into surface interventions, Rachelle always sought more out of life. Many described her as a team player provided, she was the leader.

Survived by her two sons, who always saw their mum as more health than safety. Wellbeing found on top of a horse or in the farthest corners of the world. But whatever she was doing she was asking those around her to step outside of their comfort zone and reach for the stars.

This eccentric grandmother found laughter in everything that she did. She savoured those moments of connection between the ages. At 101, she decided that those last 50 years counted. She was at the forefront of neuroscience in NZ advocating for a truly child led system that enabled everyone to succeed.


For me there has to be something about us re-sorting a sustainable environment for our tamariki. But I feel that if we had a child led system of education, then we would uphold the values of sustainability, collective thinking and relationships and really know the power of community that has an equality for all.

So, who am I being that I now know I am being, to be causal in my outcome/obituary?

I am applying for qualifications that take me from here to there. I am also excited about the fact, that I could not have learnt this 30 years ago. Neuroscience did not know this stuff then and it has way more understanding of it now.

It may be that I need to learn something or it might simply be me ticking a box that registers this possibility with the powers that be that enable me to reach a child crippled by trauma. For, healing is not just created by one person, but it is something that is offered inside a community that cares.

In a world of possibility, we have so, so much to offer. Do what fills you up… take your position as a person that matters to the future.

And don’t be in a big hurry to make a decision. Enjoy in these lockdown’s, the power of not now.

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Sep 10, 2021

Ohhh I love the fact that you still could have half your life ahead of you! I am embracing that thought and all that it means for my future!

Sep 11, 2021
Replying to

Thanks Ro, yes - it was one of those moments that you realise something in a whole new way.... a way that expands possibilities. These are tough times. Love to you and Tane xx

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